Blind spot

Every parent has a blind spot for their child. On self-protection, uncertainty about the future, and why positivity and talents must remain the starting point.

Of course I have quite a blind spot when it comes to my child. I think he is wonderful, just as I think his sisters and brother are wonderful. I mainly see the positive sides. Everything will be fine — that goes without saying.

Everyone has that spot, I think. With your own child, or with someone else you love deeply, you do not see certain less attractive traits or drawbacks.

I picture it as a space at the back of my head, shielded by a large black circle. That is where I park everything I would rather not see or hear. What may have happened mostly unconsciously at first, I now sometimes use deliberately. It can be about all sorts of things, but they are mainly thoughts, experiences, and remarks related to Hárris’ future prospects.

I want to explain this, because — as you might expect — it is not denial. I do not throw those thoughts away; they are there, but I choose not to dwell on them too much. I think it is self-protection.

And while I hyperfocus on his talents because I need to, you may see what lies behind my blind spot: a child with an uncertain future.

But I cannot keep wallowing in that — it does not help me, and it does not help him either. We do better sailing on positivity, action, assuming competence, searching for his talents. That has to be the starting point, otherwise we will not make it. Looking too far ahead causes too much stress; there is too much uncertainty for that. This is what our choices are based on.

And so we grow together towards his future — with small steps that, in the light on the other side of my blind spot, are fantastically big steps. Steps that sketch a lot of hope and a rosy picture of the future. Of a happy child learning at his own pace and in his own way, in a place where everyone is glad he is there, just as he is. And sometimes I peek behind that large black circle — but I prefer not to do that too often.